Combat Dining In

Deployments do not have to be only work and misery. Just like anything else in life, it is what you make of it. There is some fun going on here at Bagram. During the month of March, all the doctors grew mustaches. The other day we had the final judging. I am NOT proud to say that I finished third in the "Nice Try" category. One of our orthopedic surgeons took the prize for the sleaziest while an emergency room doctor won the most majestic mustache. A good time was had by all especially at the final judging when several people showed up in outrageous costumes.


Last week we had another fun event called "Combat Dining In". It was based on a traditional military event that military organizations will have back home about once a year. I had only gone to one of these "Dining In" events in my whole career and that was 10 years ago during my officer training. Of course, this involves a dinner but that is just a small part of it. The main entertainment of the night revolves around "The Grog". This is a disgusting, horrifying, putrid concoction of juices, solids, and other toxic substances. Various people are called to drink "The Grog" in front of the crowd to punish them all in good fun. So after months of planning, the medical personnel gathered for the first ever "Combat Dining In" here at Bagram.

The event started with the traditional brewing of the grog. A large pale with a reddish broth was front and center. Several duty sections from the hospital were called forward to make their contribution. From the ward where I work, we poured in a foley bag full of "urine" and a pleura vac filled with "serosanginous discharge". The folks from the dietary division added "feces" from a colostomy bag along with some "vomit". The intensive care ward contributed a suction container full of "pus". The gynecology clinic did some stirring of the grog with a well used speculum of course. Alas, the grog was ready for consumption.

The first people to drink the grog were our commanders. In order to have the privelege of dowing a glass of this foul substance, the victim had to make his or her way through a combat obstacle course as the entire crowd pummeled him or her with water balloons and super soakers. After low crawling under a barrier and then coming to attention, a salute was made to the head table. Then, a glass of grog was held high for a toast "To the Grog". Drinking commenced often resulting in rhythmic wretching as the particpant tried to ingest the "The Grog". Finally, the cup was placed on the head before one final salute was given. After our commanders were tortured several times over with this process, a whole slew of people were called to "The Grog". I was spared. By the end, the dining hall was an absolute mess. The floor was soaked, uniformes were covered in grog, and water balloons were everywhere.

We military folk are strange I know. In the end, "Combat Dining In" was a huge success. We were all able to have some laughs and for a short time forget about the insanity surrounding us. That's a good night on deployment in my book.