Major Mid Life Crisis

At the ripe age of 34, I am noticing some disturbing trends and changes in me. Physically, things are going downhill. For example, I have been sick with the common cold twice since getting deployed. During my twenties, I hardly ever got sick. Now, I have to be very mindful of the limitations of my body when it is fighting a virus. Going out for a 5 mile run after a 10-12 hour work day is just not in the cards anymore. It frustrates me. This is normal I guess but it does not make it okay. During the month of March, I attempted to grow a mustache to celebrate the military tradition of "Mustache March". However, hair seems to be growing in all the wrong places now that I am thirtysomething. I wanted hair on my brow. Instead, ear hair is proliferating out of control! What is up with that? When I go to the barber, they offer me a trim of my ear hair and I actually really need it. Ridiculous! I won't even go into details on the hair growth in other areas other than to say that I am seriously considering investing in a device known as "The Manscaper" (patent pending). I saw this online at target.com. It costs $39.95.


My interests are definitely changing. I am reading for pleasure more than I ever have before. I now prefer a good book over a movie. I have seen 3 or 4 movies since getting to Afghanistan, but I have read at least 6-8 books. This is surely a sign that I am OLD. It seems that the older I get, the qwirkier I become. I actually got up at 0430 the other day and went for a run before work. And, I even enjoyed it! That's kind of sick. I used to think that this group of "old guys" here that goes out for a long run at 0500 on Sundays was absolutely nuts. Now, I am strongly considering joining them. Also, my moodiness is becoming legendary on the hospital ward. I can get cranky in a heartbeat. Don't even think about talking to me before I have had my morning cup of coffee because you just might get your head biten off. The nurses think I need an infusion of continuous intravenous lithium to combat the bipolar behavior. When I am in a good mood, I agree with them. But, catch me in a bad mood and you can kiss my #$%^!


Then, the other day it became readily apparent that I am truly in a mid life crisis. THERE I WAS, holding my right hand in the air uttering the words, "...I will defend the constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic." That is correct, the Department of the Air Force promoted me to the rank of MAJOR! There are now oak leaves on my collar instead of bars. I had gotten so used to those Captain's bars, but I am not sad to see them go. After the ceremony, I proudly walked down the street sporting my new rank. I saw a lowly Captain out of the corner of my eye. It felt good for him to render a salute to me. I thought to myself, "Heck yeah Captain, give me the respect." By the way, he was a chaplain but I did not care. I will probably get over this relative power high when Major responsibility is thrust upon me. Doing performance reports and scolding people does not sound all the appealing. But, it brings to light a much bigger issue. Am I ready to give up the military life? When I get home there will be one year left on my committment. I have now been in the Air Force for 10 years. There have been good days and bad days. Without a doubt, these 6 month vacations to Afghanistan have got to stop! But, am I ready to move on and be a civilian? I will be contemplating this question going forward. It is my Major Mid Life Crisis.